jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
