You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Randomize
