Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
