from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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