Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize