There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Randomize
