I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
