Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
