i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
