Your tits are I can't wait for
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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