I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
