My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
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