I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
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