you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize