one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
