I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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