man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
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