I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
