so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
