It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
