I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
My pussy is not your playground.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
