She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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