she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
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