she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
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