If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
