lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
