My Higher Power is John Stamos
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
