Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
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