hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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