So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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