I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
he just fucked me for my cheese..
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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