what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
