its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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