you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
