Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
