allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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