I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
