Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Randomize
