Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
