Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Randomize
