When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
