Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
