had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
