I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Banned from zoo.
Again?
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
