I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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