Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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