i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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