Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Randomize