The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Randomize
