this beer tastes like vomit already
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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