I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
