TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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