I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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