Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
