ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
