you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize