I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
Randomize
