Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize