upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
