I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
