got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize