You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
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