dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Randomize
