I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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