Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
