You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
