Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
