WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Drunk is not a location!
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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