Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
