do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
