3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
