i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Randomize
